Dragons, Skimpy Ladies, Sex, Booze and much much more
by RAGINGPANDAZ
Summary: With the addition of a main Oc, watch as the narutoverse spins out of control on a downwards spiral involving, crazy characters, Drugs, Booze , Sex and a lot more.


Sooo this is my first piece of real writing, I hope you all enjoy.

There will be a lot of gore, violence, sex, drinking, insanity, character bashing, public humiliation of a few characters, death, Kishimoto Bashing, Gross neglect of mythology, funny dialog, terrible Oc's and A lot of description... (cos I personally hate Fanfics where there is no description of characters, environment, personality and yada yada)

So read on.

It was a bright and sunny day in the village of Konohagakure. Out of the 5 major villages in the elemental nations Konoha held the spot for the strongest military force and largest number of ranking ninja with S class bingo book entries. Kakashi Hatake the famed copy ninja, Mito Guy the prideful green beast of Konoha and the world ranking three sennin, Orochimaru the rouge nin with an alliance to the snake summoning clan, Tsunade Senju the slug princess and Jaraiya the Gama sennin thought to be the strongest of the three.

Since the end of the second great ninja war and the fall of Kirigakure there has been no village capable of challenging Konoha or staging a feasible war plan.

Anyhow as I was saying it was a bright sunny day in the village of Konohagakure the birds were tweeting and the leaves rustling in the soft may breeze. You could hear the lovely and heart warming sounds of children playing in the local parks and the busy hustle and bustle of the market district. There was the ninja academy where the sounds of light combat sparring could be abounded, and a small stream hidden in a thick section of trees where the screams of a small child could be heard.

Today we find ourselves looking upon the appalling scene of a small child, only 9 years old being brutally beaten and stabbed by a group of kids not more than 12 or 13. Between the bone breaking beatings and stabbings, the kids were periodically drowning the small child in the nearby lake. If you could clear away the blood, dirt and small scrapes of flesh that had come loose and stuck to the child's face and hair you would see a frock of the most vibrant golden blond hair which would normally sit in a huge mess of spikey tangles but was currently plastered down to the forehead and scalp of this pore child. The sounds of laughter could be hear from behind the group where a lone Anbu, the major undercover ninja force that acts to keep a village and its villagers safe, sat watching the heinous crime as one would watch a late night TV program. This particular anbu had been given the job of protecting the small child in front of him, but like the majority of the village, this anbu hated the child with a passion, to him it was no child, but a thing to be beaten and if possible killed. Ah but if the child was to die the current Hokagae Sarutobi Hiruzen would most likely loos his shit and have everyone involved with the incident put on trial and publically executed.

But that would truly be the least of the villagers problems or the anbu's for that matter, as should the child die the great demon fox, the Kyuubi no kitsune would be released to wreak havoc and disaster on the village that had bested it and sealed it into this small child, one Uzumaki Naruto.

Unbeknownst to Naruto that on the day of his birth said demon fox the Kyuubi no Kitsune was sealed away into this poor infant by the one and only man a child should be able to trust, his own father.

But that is not common knowledge, after the council and the re-instated third hokagae found out the news, they new they would have to do something to stop a outright riot from the civilian side of the village and most probably the ninja as well.

In the great battle with the Kyuubi there as a un-precidented loss of life and village infrastructure. Fathers, Mothers, Sisters, Brothers, Sons, daughters and the odd cat, were lost. Many people lost family members maybe one, two maybe all. Due to this a great hatred grew towards the Kyuubi.

But alas the great forth Hokagae Minato Namikaze rose up against the infamous Biju and in a devastating battle he smout down the Kyuubi (not really, he actually got his ass kicked so bad he tripped over…. The Kyuubi struck with laughter couldn't get out in time and was seal… Tadaaa and the illusion is shattered) and with the help of his world renown sealing powers was able to seal the beast into his only son, born that day by his wife Kushina Uzumaki. Minato was forced to seal the strongest known Biju, a pure construct of hatred and chakra so dense it took a physical form and gained a sentient power, into his son, Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto, the boy we are now watching 9 years later being beaten and stabbed by a group of kids. Lovely Isn't it.

Now you may see this devolvement as I do and realize, wait a second, isn't he holding the great infamous beast back, isn't this one child the only reason that the village is safe and free of immediate danger? Wouldn't you praise this child as a hero and never allow him to be beaten, and worse stabbed by a measly group of kids. I sure as hell would.

But alas the village's hatred for the Kyuubi spread to its container.

So the great and wise council of Konoha ( notice the sarcasm) decided in their infinite glory and wisdom that they should class the knowledge of Naruto being a demon container a s class secret, one punishable by death should it is told to anyone who does not know it. They did this in the hopes that the new generation of children and the past generation, the ones with no knowledge of the boys predicament would hopefully hold no animosity towards him. But the hatred of this one hero child was to great, through the intervention of council members who held particular and very strong hatred for Naruto/Kyuubi many of the adults who did not know were told and their animosity rubbed off onto their children, who in the hopes of bringing a smile to their parents faces with tales of their conquests attacked the unidentified hero of the Leaf.

And now we are back, remember the group of kids… yeah them, quickly getting bored of beating the child and noticing the time the kids decided that it would be beter off just dumping the unresponsive pile of flesh into the river and going of to play with the other children at the academy.

Quickly voicing his opinion to the other children and gaining a somewhat unanimous agreement the eldest of the group, a third year academy student turned towards Naruto and kicked him into the river. With a resounding splash the group of children ran back of towards the academy, never once noticing the anbu sitting little over 10 meters away watching the whole thing. Deciding that saving the child would be the best coarse of action at the present moment the anbu got up quietly and moved like a shadow towards the area of river the child had kicked Naruto's small body into. Thrusting his hand into the water and rummaging about for a few seconds the anbu grabbed hold of Naruto's left leg and unceremoniously dragged him out of the river picked him up and one arm threw him over his shoulder and onto the dirt by his feet. After a few quiet seconds of waiting the anbu decided that the kid was alive and would probably not need medical assistance to survive, the operative word being survive. And with that the anbu faded away into a pile of leaves leaving the area with only a final parting glance at the child.

XXXXXXXXXXX

About 5 hours later

We yet again find ourselves at the small clearing where we left, there's the river, the splashed of blood, the left over kunai knives and the half mangled body of our second protagonist Naruto.

Coming in at around 4 foot 3 with bright vibrant cerulean blue eyes, golden blond locks of spikey and unkempt hair, small skinny and frail looking frame, also malnourished and dirty with badly kept clothes that looked as if they had been scavenged from a bin. Add in the severe bruising, the cuts, broken left arm, cracked ribs and severe swelling over his right eye and you get a picturesque idea of a homeless street urchin who got glassed stealing from some high hobo, this pretty much describes the state of our poor unsung hero.

"Unggggh" just a small groan almost un noticeable, along with a little twitching, our poor hero was starting to come around, back to the world of the living, but along with that came the pain of the beating and worse the emotional pain of a child who has to live through these conditions every day, go to sleep and wake up to deal with them tomorrow.

Starting with small movements Naruto moved his usable right arm up, underneath his body in an attempt to push himself up into a sitting position, but unable to muster the strength from his weak and abused little body he lay there panting and groaning in pain. This wasn't the first time our little Naruto had been through a beating like this, no this wasn't the first, this wasn't even the second, as far back as little Naruto could remember he had constantly been on his own, fighting for survival in a world that had no need for him (sept you know to hold back a ravaging force of pure female evil…..yeah Kyuubi's a female in this one guys.) struggling to get through each day, just so he could go to bed and try again tomorrow.

Naruto was first brought up in a small orphanage, a quaint little place, nothing out of the ordinary, happy smiling children, nice bedrooms and reasonably caring matrons, at least for the other children. For Naruto though his life at the orphanage had been the start of his deep and dark decent into the hell he now calls his life.

Since the very beginning Naruto had been raised with very little and in terribly poor conditions, is a special room in the attic of the quaint little orphanage lies Naruto's room, a dark dank and musty cobweb filled hell hole that little Naruto was shoved into every day with the one rule, Keep Quiet.

The matrons of the orphanage were especially cruel and horrible to Naruto, they fitted bars onto his window and gave him only food that was left over from the other children meals, or pulled from bins and dumps all over Konoha. He slept in a small bed, which was so old, and dirty it had springs sticking out of it, bugs crawling through the fabric and countless splotches of blood from our protagonist. Being brought up with the general beatings from the caretakers over nothing at all struck home the idea to Naruto that he was hated and not needed. At the age of 4, a time when most children could speak and had started to read and write little Naruto could barley mutter five words, albeit in his condition they were the five words he used the most. 'stop, pwease stop, help me'

At the age of 5 Naruto was kicked out of the orphanage to live on the streets, with nowhere to go and no knowledge of the outside world its amazing he even survived at all. For the first week things weren't so bad, the weather in Konoha is usually sunny with hot days and gently warm nights, also the majority of the survillians did not know of Naruto's loss of residence at the orphanage. But the first hurdle Naruto had to cross was the prospect of living quarters, but this was quickly remedied. As our little, homeless, 5 year old child walked the streets of his home village he came across a back alley with a large crack in one of the walls, inside this crack Naruto crawled only to find to his surprise and great delight a rather cozy hole/ cave arrangement. It was really only a small place about 2m by 3m, little more than a hole that had appeared in the side of a collapsed warehouse, but to a homeless orphan child of 5, who could not speak, read or write it was paradise and one he fully intended to make use.

XXXXXXXXXX

Else ware in the Great and Majestic Village Of Konoha

"Hmmm I wonder, would it be better to burn the place down, or hire nuke nin to do it for me" One Sarutobi Hiruzen (Look at that, I got his name Correct!) now sat in his chair contemplating the merits of destroying all this paperwork.

Let it be know, whilst a army can overthrow a King, a city can overthrow a greedy baron, and some villagers can beat up a 9 year old…. Err, moving on…. No-one on the face of this earth can stand paperwork.

Sitting in the lavishly outfitted hokagae's office is the hokagae himself, dressed in the red and white robes of the Hokagae and adorning the Trade mark 'pointy hat', this lovable old man was taking a little break from the hell of signing millions, and millions of approval slips, property acceptance sheets, marriage proposals between major clans or family's, new bills and unforgettably declining each and every attempt to legalize the killing of 9 year old demon containers.

"Ahhh, I'm way to old for this" since the day he had told this confounded village about Naruto's Demon status he had been bombarded with paperwork for his arrest, execution, banishment, dismemberment and yada yada. Really you'd think that people would learn, not only had he declined each and every one, but when he could he would send the author of the piece of paperwork for a little quality counseling session with Ibiki (arrrghh) But no, the village still hadn't gotten it through their thick heads. Standing up and looking around his office the Sandaime noted the large bookshelf's, filled with every possible piece of literature, the scrolls and paintings on the wall, the memorial to the previous hokagae's and the large black crack running through his beautifully sculpted ceiling, the lights that loo…. Wait … Large black crack.

With a quick yell and a motion for his contingent of Anbu to join him The Old man, jumped backwards and into his best defensive stance. As hokagae, the best of the best in a ninja village it was not uncommon for him to come across assassination attempts, albeit they usually started wars, but still.

Quickly signing for one of the 3 Anbu to go forwards and investigate the ever-growing crack on his ceiling, Sarutobi reached behind himself and pulled out a long, wickedly curved Kunai from a hidden pocket in his Hokagae robes.

As the Anbu inched his way towards the crack, a heavy presence started to fill the room, it felt as if gravity was multiplying by the second. The air was tense and the hokagae as well as his men were all on high alert.

Just as the lone anbu was reaching forward to inspect the crack, a loud screaming filled the room.

"FUUUUUUUUUUCK!*(^**&^R%ER&RW#$WE^T!$" With a loud yell and a lot of flailing arms and legs, the main protagonist in our story fell 16 feet, from ceiling to floor with a loud meaty thunk, at which point the screaming stopped.

Jumping back quickly at the appearance of the boy or young man, the hokagae and the 3 Anbu (the other anbu having joined the group) slowly inched their way forward towards what looked like a pile of arms and legs.

Nudging the boy/man/creature with his foot into a spread eagle position on the ground, the hokagae came to the conclusion that it was a young Human Man, albeit how he came to fall from his ceiling and nock himself out on his floor was another thing entirely.

Still fearing a surprise attack or assassination the hokagae did I quick sweep of the room, with the help of his anbu looking behind Bookshelf's, Cupboards and even under his desk. After finding nothing and not picking up any unusual chakra signatures. The hokagae ordered his anbu to take the young man to anbu Lockup for further questioning and Intelligence gathering.

It was whilst watching the retreating figures of his anbu with the slumped man over their shoulders that he finally realized that, just then, out of the blue, He had a but naked young man fall from his ceiling. Quickly looking up and expecting to see the dark crack, he was shocked to find that his beautiful and artistic ceiling had been ruined, it was all mottled and ripped up, broken chunks were barely hanging from the roof. But alas all could be fixed and no real harm done, turning around to get back to work at his desk, he came upon a truly horrifying site. All his beautifully ordered, stacked and signed paperwork was spread out over his office, covering every surface and visible bit of floor.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*)#&T&%^*()*_(*^%$#$%&^*(*^%$#W&*(*&$E^W%(U YHCHIVHDVBCHSHIBFDUUUU*UUUUUUUK"

Needless to say, the village of Konohagakure would never be the same again.

So whadda ya think.

There will be a lot of character backgrounds, personalities and time work in the next chapter, there will also be an explanation for having a but naked teenager fall from the ceiling of the most powerful man in the village. Hehehehe let the insanity, in-sue.


End file.
